So, ordinarily I might do something like post a question to Answerology.com, but I might want to be able to refer to this later on.
I’ve got this problem. There’s this attractive member of the gender that I’m attracted to who is so attractive that I’m afraid I’m paying attention to her body more than to who she is underneath that exquisite exterior.
This is not the first time this has happened - but this is the first time that I think it has happened early enough for me to be able to “nip it in the bud”, as it were. I’m reminded of a line from Matrix Revolutions that goes something like “look past the flesh”. Of course, that line belonged in a totally different context, but it is the same sentiment - how do I see beyond the physical form to the underlying truth about the person I behold? How do I prevent myself from being blinded by beauty? (Or, for that matter, being blinded by what I imagine I’ve been conditioned to view as ugly? But that’s a discussion for another time - perhaps.)
But, that much said, I want to spend a while extolling just how beautiful she is. I’m doing so via a fictitious dialog:
|friend||so, do you like her?|
|me||I’m afraid. I’m afraid to admit the answer to that question, because of the possible ramifications of it. I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid I’m being too superficial, liking her mainly for her looks and not because of who she is down inside - because I can’t say I’ve gotten to know her down inside.|
|friend||So, you like her?|
|me||What is “like”? Is what I feel now what a “crush” is? This sort of vague she’s beautiful and I could spend a long time just staring at her feeling? I don’t know what “like” is any more - I’ve lost myself in a semantic quagmire.|
|friend||Dude, lighten up. She’s just a chick - there are loads of them out there. Either you like her or you don’t. Do you like her?|
|me||Well, I’m attracted to her.|
|friend||So you like her!|
|me||But I’m afraid I’m attracted to her for the wrong reasons. Physical attraction shouldn’t be the primary reason to like someone.|
|friend||Well, get to know her a little better. Maybe then you’ll like her for the “right” reasons?|
|me||But I’m afraid that would be contrived and artificial. I have no poker face, and I’m afraid that even if I did ask her out on a date, it would be glaringly obvious that I liked her - and if my inability to keep my mind on her words and not on my aesthetic appreciation of her form continues as it has been - I’m really afraid I’ll make a fool out of myself.|
|friend||You think she’s that hot? Are you sure she doesn’t have a boyfriend?|
|me||Yes, I think she’s that hot. Not the “drooling” sort of hot, but the “Venus de Milo” sort of hot. No, that’s another thing I’m afraid of. I have absolutely no clue if she’s got a boyfriend or not. If so, I’ve never seen him at any of the places I’ve seen her (and she’s brought her sisters/friends to such things).|
|friend||“Venus de Milo”? I can tell you’ve had your head in Art books when other people had their head in dirty magazines.|
|friend||Anyway, maybe she’s lesbian? Maybe she’s got a boyfriend in a far distant land?|
|me||I wouldn’t know!|
|me||Like I said, I’m afraid.|
|friend||Dude - you can’t live your life in fear.|
|me||True, but regardless - surely there’s some decent piece of advice that you, as a friend, can offer me?|
|friend||No, sorry. You got all the advice I’m going to give you on this.|
|friend||Hey, if I knew her, maybe I could ask her some of those questions for you. But I don’t, so there ain’t nobody to act as an intermediary.|
|me||Perhaps I could find someone else.|
|friend||Don’t drag someone else into this. What’s between you and her is between you and her.|
|me||I need some time to think about this.|
|friend||Whatever. Later dude.|
Something tells me I just spent time extolling my anxiety about trying to approach her instead of extolling her beauty. But yeah, she’s beautiful.
Anyway, if you’re as curious as many people, and especially if you know anything at all about my social life, you’re probably wondering “who is she?”. Aha! I’m not going to tell you. Why? Because I want some degree of anonymity. Note that in Anonymity and Accountability do not mix I mainly focus on how they don’t mix - not on which is “right” (although I probably do come out in favor of accoutability, especially in the getting personal post on that issue). But regardless, I’m not about to outlaw anonymity - it has it’s purposes. Specifically, for example, in my post about having a PrayerBlog, in a comment that became a post, I see a real reason someone might want to have an anonymous, but public none-the-less PrayerBlog. While it isn’t a PrayerBlog, this blog is an excellent example of a blog that is anonymous for what most people might imagine to be a good reason. So, anonymity has it’s uses. Like the anonymity of the girl I find attractive. Even if she does find this, if my fear gets the better of me, I can always strongly imply that it isn’t she that I’m referring to (which, in a sense, is quite right - it isn’t really her - it’s who I think she is - which is probably off by quite a bit).
Ah, but this anonymity has problems. Some people hide behind it and become a different persona - they RolePlay, as it were. This is something that Richard MacManus’s fictional character seems to discourage. That much said, there will always be people that choose to have different persona’s of some sort. The question is always how difficult to link them up and how difficult does that person think they are to link them up. Some are “harmless” like avatars on massive multi-player games - these have no reason to coincide with any real-life person. Or do they? For some people, those worlds will overlap - and for some they won’t. So for some, using an identity they already have makes sense. For others, it doesn’t.
I think what people really need is the ability to take ownership of their identity. Part of why people RolePlay is because they feel locked into the “role” that has been dished out to them. They’re “afraid” to “rock the boat” and publicly try to find that new appropriate role, so they anonymously try to explore other roles they might like, until they find one that is attractive to them.
Speaking of attractive, I still need to figure out what to do about that girl I’m attracted to.2099